


Facial Hair Blues

by runeofluna



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Gen, Humor, I'm cherry-picking from the epilogue, Post-Canon, aka everything is the same except Roy never grew a moustache, also making some stuff up, but hey that's the purpose of fic lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 09:30:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19971826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runeofluna/pseuds/runeofluna
Summary: Facial Hair is easily made fun of......aka a gift fic given only once in a blue moon





	Facial Hair Blues

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heartbeatstumbles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartbeatstumbles/gifts).



“Oh my god, what kind of monster did you unleash upon the world, Ed?” Falman asked, his face slightly green. For him, that was the equivalent of any other person banging their head on the nearest flat surface. In fact, Breda was doing just that, smashing his head at the wall with such force that Fuery was worriedly trying to stop him. Havoc was too busy laughing to be of any help, while Hawkeye was nursing her temple with one hand twitching towards her gun.

“Come on, Falman, you gotta admit the bastard looks more interesting now! He looks all stuffy and _boring_ like that, at least now he has some actual character.” Ed snickered, proudly brandishing the photo with, well, _interesting_ additions. Al looked like he was praying for patience as he exchanged a commiserating look with the blonde no-longer-lieutenant.

“Really, Fullmetal? You’re twenty-two years old and still feel the need to vandalize photos? I suppose I underestimated how much your so-called-maturity falls… _short_.” Mustang’s expression was an interesting cross of disdain and incredulity, as his eyes attempted to burn holes into the photo in Ed’s arm. Thankfully, his fingers were only twitching slightly and not actually snapping, the fear of what Winry Rockbell would do to anyone who set fire in her home staying his hand.

“You know that doesn’t work nearly as well when you’re actually a bit shorter than me, right?” Ed wasn’t even attempting to hide his triumphant smirk, as Breda actually stopped banging his head and let out a low impressed whistle at the burn. “Plus, it’s not exactly like you have a reputation for me to ruin, bastard. Unless you count the one where you’re useless in the rain, because that one’s totally true and everyone knows it. Oh, yeah, and don’t call me Fullmetal, I haven’t been a state alchemist for years and you damn well know it.”

Mustang snorted even as his sideways glare at Breda told the man his reaction had been noted. “I’ll stop calling you Fullmetal when you stop calling me bastard, Fullmetal, and we both know that’s not happening.” Havoc managed an emphatic nod as he put a hand over his mouth in an attempt to stop his laughter.

To their collective surprise, it was Hawkeye who cut into the conversation. “Rather like your attempts at growing a moustache, sir.” The room was tranquil for a few seconds as the words sank in.

“Wha- wait, what? Captain Hawkeye, are you saying that the Brigadier General actually did have a moustache at some point?” Fuery spluttered out, bewildered and incredulous at both what Hawkeye had mentioned as well as her revealing something rather personal about their superior so suddenly. Falman’s mouth was opening and closing without a sound, Havoc had doubled over once more while Breda was picking his ears as if doubting his hearing. Al was staring at Mustang’s face as if trying to imagine what that would look like, while Ed? Ed looked like his birthday had come early.

“Captain Hawkeye, don’t you da-“ “Yes, when he was given his first undercover mission, apparently the then lieutenant colonel Mustang decided that growing a moustache would be helpful in disguising as an older shopkeeper. As Edward so helpfully demonstrated for us, it was… _remarkable_ , if nothing else.” Mustang shot a betrayed glance at his closest subordinate even as the rest of the room dissolved into giggles – yes, actual _giggles_ – then gave dirty looks to both Fuery and Al, who he’d thought would at least _try_ to respect his dignity.

“Lieu-that is, Captain, do you have any photos of that? It would be really interesting to see the Colo-I mean, the Brigadier General when he wasn’t a colonel.” Alphonse managed to get out between wheezes of breathless laughter, turning his adorable puppy dog eyes to her, which he somehow still maintained despite being twenty-one.

“And if I did?” Unfortunately for Al, the owner of Black Hayate had truly impressive resilience when it came to sheer cuteness overload.

“Well, there was that time Brother thought trying to grow a beard would be funny-“ “Al! You traitor! We don’t spea-“ Ed hastily cut off Al’s words, but Team Mustang had heard enough – and there was a predatory glee shared by the team as Hawkeye gave a slow, imperious nod. A smirk was growing on her face as she commented, “Well, who am I to deny the law of Equivalent Exchange?”


End file.
